It can only get better

The past few weeks (or more?  I can't keep track of time anymore) have had our heads spinning.  I am feeling a lot better/stronger, but both Mark and I are worn out.  I remember hearing that the forth child is not a big deal - they just join the pack.  This is SO not true! I can barely sit down to do anything (like eat or get dressed ) without holding a crying someone (usually Hannah).  I know I will now have to get up shortly because I can hear Hannah grunting and likely pooping.  Nathan wants another movie.  I hope the girls stay sleeping for a bit (Mark is away for the afternoon- helping his brother move).  Yesterday was busy because it was a Sunday. Sundays with four kids are even more busy.  I managed to snag a nap in the afternoon , but that was off -set by Abby screaming for about three hours after we put her to bed.

So , it has been almost a full week since I started this post.  Almost every day I had plans to add to it and finish it but while I was thinking about doing it I was holding a crying child hopelessly looking at the monitor knowing that I will not be able to complete the post that day or anything for that matter (lucky to be able to get dressed some days).  The only reason I'm typing now is because Mark is holding Hannah who is having a heck of a time falling asleep tonight for some reason.  My head is throbbing from all the crying and screaming it heard today.  Sometimes it seems like our life is frozen in this crazy time loop that is full of screaming fighting children. It just never ends :( . I'm going to try to write something positive about each of these children of ours, because I need to remember.

Hannah likes the pictures I put up by the change table - she cries and cries until she realizes where she is and then gets quiet and just stares at them.  I savor her little grunts and feather-like sounds she makes while nursing - soon they will be replaced by sounds and attempts at speech.  When I hold her up and she stares at me she looks like she is thinking so hard , I haven't decided yet if she is puzzled or in awe of what she sees. I like and dislike her sleeping on top of me at the same time.  I like the feeling of having her close and I know that she likes it - demands it in fact. I don't like how hot it makes us and the limited sleep positions I now have.

Abby is starting to sing little songs to her self while swinging her arms back and forth.  When Nathan is watching the Wiggles or something else with a catchy song I see Abby attempt to dance to the music :) Abby's smile is still amazing and no matter what kind of trouble she is in (which happens a lot these days) her cheeky grin can often bring a smile out of us. I can tell when she gets in a fight with her sister because the level of screaming is doubled and I hear loud jabbering/scolding with a "MINE" or "NO" added in at the end. Abby likes to share and distribute things ...like toilet paper.  She is starting to know where her head/eyes/nose/ears are and will often point them out on Hannah (often a little hard).  She kisses Hannah and I notice her hugging her toy babies and trying to give them her finger to suck on (she still likes to suck on mine).

Sarah is really starting to look like a little girl instead of a toddler.  She has the funnest conversations with you (telling you your ears are dirty, describing how big of a poop she had...).  She remembers things now (I have to be careful what I tell her is going to happen).  Once Mark told me that as she sat picking at her lunch she dipped her fingers in her ketchup smeared it on her face like a foot ball player and said "GRRR , I'm a tiger!".  Mark also told me of a time when he was so frustrated with dealing with them he growled at them ... Sarah growled back :).  Sometimes we call Nathan "Sweetheart"   and Sarah says "Nathan is not a girl!" - only girls are Sweethearts and are beautiful according to her.  She calls Nathan "Buddy" at times - she made up that nickname for him and she is the only one that uses it .

Nathan has started to toilet train himself - he doesn't always make it but he is getting better.  He still has that smile that lights up his whole face and he uses it often.  He asks Sarah " Sarah , are you beautiful?"  So far he is convinced that Sarah , Abby , Mommy and Hannah are beautiful (esp. Sarah) but when I asked him if he was handsome he replied with a mischievous smile "No, I'm a stinker!" He calls Daddy a stinker as well :).  I've noticed that he copies whole sentences - which gets annoying when I'm trying to tell him something and he is repeating every word but not understanding anything I"m saying.  He still loves to be tickled and he still has a kind heart (helping out his crazy sisters , telling Hannah she is cute).

This post took me longer then a month to finish.  As I type now I have Hannah sleeping on my chest. It has been very overwhelming having a new baby that still thinks she is part of me and three other young children that want to be carried, picked up, read to, played with .... Some days I think I will snap , other days I long for a break of any kind (a just Mark and I kind of break).  I still don't know how I will function this coming September when Mark goes back to work.  I feel stressed out almost daily and I need tylenol to sleep at night (Hannah sleeping with me keeps me in awkward positions).  My body feels like a limp noodle (my back muscles/abdominal muscles are weak) and still gets sore if I bend to pick up things.  Being a parent is rough right now , but I am thankful for my family.  God has blessed us richly.  I still remember feeling honored and blessed to be pregnant for the first time.  Things can only get better .... it just might take a while thats all.

Mark says it looks like Abby is trying to make Hannah give everyone the "finger" in this picture 

Nathan with his favourite clothing on