A few more weeks

Its June 15 and as I look at the calendar all I see is a lot of ink.  I knew June would go fast and I'm grateful - being busy is nice at this stage of pregnancy (distracting).  It is also very tiring.   I'm tired of going to appointments ... I think I'm tired of everything.  Recently Nathan, Sarah and Abby have not been feeling well.  They would not eat well, sleep well , get along well or do anything well.  I'm exhausted and I feel as though I will never get enough sleep.  I remember being pregnant with Nathan and how nice it was to take naps when I was tired or just to "take it easy".  I remember how peaceful and relaxing it was after he was born when I could rest with him during the day.  Those days are long gone.  I don't think any mother is prepared for how mentally and physically exhausting raising small children is.  I'm not sure if there is any way to prepare. It just seems to be one of those things that you have to experience to really understand.

Tomorrow is Fathers day.  My husband and I are disappointed in the lack of recognition or honor given to fathers.  Mothers day is well advertised and mothers are applauded for being selfless, hard working and loving.  It seems like fathers are portrayed as being another kid that the mother has to care for.  Mothers deserve expensive jewelry but fathers hint and whine for things like children.  I'm mainly going by what I hear and see advertised.  I remember one car commercial that basically said the fathers first job as a father is driving the baby home . He was in the back ground watching his wife deliver the baby and didn't even get to hold it before the Dr's whisked it off to a nursery (do they still do that?) . I can see Mark tense up in anger when watching that commercial and I can imagine how traumatizing it would be for him to experience something like that.  I've always seen Mark and I as a team , working together to raise our family.  Yes I push out the baby, but I would really really hate to do it with out Mark by my side encouraging me.  I love seeing how proud and happy he looks when catching the baby - it is so personal and intimate for both of us. I can't imagine having a good experience any other way (aside from having a home birth :)).  I hope he enjoys his Fathers day present.  He deserves the best I can afford to give him and often I wish I could get  him more things.

Often I catch  myself looking for a forth cup to fill with juice when handing out snacks , or I do a quick check up on the kids and find myself still looking for a few seconds for the "forth" one.  It seems like she is already part of the family.  Nathan, Sarah and Abby are growing so fast.  I feel proud of them - simply for growing and learning.  Nathan still enjoys quoting movie lines, songs and books he has memorized (they watch a lot of movies right now).  Sarah continues to describe everything she does (I poke it , I eat it, I'm chewing , I swallow it ...)  and Abby is picking up more and more words. I think they all know that I am not feeling my usual self and they kind of understand that there is a baby on the way.  It will be interesting to see how each will react when Hannah comes.

Abby likes to pour water down her front - they all end up naked when outside eventually 

Sarah trying to "spray mom" 

I managed to get out of the house this morning with my mom.  We went looking at garage sales.  We probably bought to much we didn't need but it was good to get out of the house by my self.  I often get advice that I should be doing that more often.  Its really hard to get out.  When I have an opportunity to do something I'm usually too tired to even want to go. I know I should be thinking of myself more or caring for my self , but honestly , most of the time it seems very inconvenient and tiring.   Some day I will be able do things other then take care of children again.