This month is 1/2 over and it seems to be going fast and slow at the same time. My energy levels have dropped and its harder to move around. I keep thinking "one more month..." because I'm so focused on getting May out of the way I forget that I still have June to be pregnant.
As I look over at the couch right now I see that Nathan has figured out that his pants are the zip off type and he has zipped off one leg. He has taken off his pants completely and attacked his sister (lots of screaming happening) . Abby was by my knee trying to bite it ... she seems tired today. That was only a snap shot of what happens here on a day to day basis. I already don't remember most of what they did last week :( I know they were cute , they got in trouble , they fought , they made messes and mostly slept at night.
Mothers day weekend was very draining - it seems like when your lively hood is going to be celebrated you are reminded again of how hard it is sometimes. I think I remember being tired and worn out last Mothers day as well. Of course it didn't help that I am 7 months pregnant. I remember looking forward to a date night Mark and I had planned all week. He has been so busy during the day and at night with work (this semester is difficult for him) I was looking forward to some time with him while not feeling like I was taking him from his work that he needed to get done. The date didn't happen and I was disappointed- which was hard to deal with. Hopefully we can get out soon. I mentioned to Mark that the next person that tells me that I need to "get out" more ..or just "go on a date" is going to get punched in the face - he said he would pay to see that - lol - I don't think I could even if I really wanted to. Its hard to "get out" when you have young kids. Babysitters can be expensive and are not always available. Its like handing off your responsibilities of your full time job to someone who may or may not know what is going on- only more important because the responsibilities have names and are your children :)
My sister and her husband came for a visit with their brand new baby. It felt good to hold a newborn in my arms again. I still feel a pang of regret that Hannah will be the last one of mine that I will hold, but I think every mother feels that way (that is why grandma's enjoy their grandchildren so much). Watching my sister love her baby and struggle through the first time mom challenges reminded me of how precious and sacrificial parental love is. I've always been told that God loves us the same way , but I've always found it hard to wrap my mind around. Watching my kids and knowing how I feel about them puts God's love in a new perspective and at times almost easy to understand.
On Mothers Day we stayed home from church and relaxed for the day. It was sooo nice to stay home that day. Sundays are normally stressful (chasing around hungry tired kids) and it felt good not to feel guilty for staying home for once. Mark got me a video camera - which was awesome. I can take better videos of the kids now and remember them better :) . There are so many times during the day when I look at my kids and think - 'wow, I have a great family. I am blessed to be a mother ' and there are other times when I think 'what were we thinking? 4 under 4???' .
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